Very Recently, All India Bakchod released a satirical masterpiece titled Unoffended. I know this seems more like a Taylor Swift song than an AIB product, but you can’t have the cake and eat it too. (Take note, Tanmay). Anyway, we at ED are sure you have seen the video by now. However, the probability of you having read the hilarious Ticker flowing throughout the whole video seems as low as Uday Chopra on Valentine’s Day.
Therefore, we would like to bring to your notice some amazing one-liners news items that you might have missed.
1. Valar Morghulis
George RR Martin has just killed your entire family. He’s molesting your Teddy Bear as you read this.
House Mormont won’t be happy.
Biker has been seen not riding like an asshole, nation stunned.
Later, it was found that the driver was on Cocaine, and that he thought he was driving a car.
3. Alternative to Engineering
Man eats Pani-Puri, starts a food blog, wins best blogger award. Delhi people reading this, screw you, it’s Pani-Puri and not Gol-Gappa. Seriously, Gol-Gappa sounds like something you’d call a fat Punjabi kid.
That’s a very intelligent metaphor which describes Chetan Bhagat’s career path. Well played AIB, well played.
4. Third World Problems
Government officials fail to find lead in Chicken Maggi. They fail to find Chicken in Chicken Maggi too.
Just like finding Lays in a pack of air.
5. Connecting People
Facebook has become like that wedding function where you can’t drink because all the family members are present.
The Ministry of Home Affairs, in a recent statement, said that the only way to cope with this menace is to create a fake real account solely for your relatives. You may even upload statuses like ‘is Studying – feeling determined’ to throw them off track.
India files motion in the UN as it cannot find connection to someone who did something amazing.
Fun Fact No. 420: Novak Djokovic is actually Indian. His real name is Nayak Damodar.
7. Freedom of Speech
Journalist executed for allowing interviewee to finish sentence.
It is reported that his last words were ‘me-die-a?’
8. My Precious
Lady Gaga wore Suhel Seth’s hair to the VMAs.
Suhel Seth now looks like Gollum with retirement benefits.
9. Nyc Dear
India’s Whatsapp forwards chosen as best Whatsapp forwards by UNESCO.
Share this article with 10 people and the ED logo will turn red. Really, try it.
10. Roger that
AAP boycotts Roger Federer for having a Swiss bank account.
A sting operation has surfaced which shows Arvind Kejriwal accepting money from Novak Djokovic. Later, Mr. Kejriwal denied all reports and said that he was just djoking around.
P.S. The text in the Ticker turned capital once a certain someone started speaking. Yes, you guessed it right, it was Arnab Goswami.
Seriously though, this was a great attempt at showcasing the hypocrisy of our ever-enraged citizens. If there’s one thing that can bring peace to the world, it’s seeing Arnab Goswami laughing his heart out.
Peace, and keep calm.
Views presented in the article are those of the author and not of ED.