Hello everyone!! Welcome to Fake Friendly Fridays!! This week we have great pleasure to finally meet the legend…
The Man who rules news hours! The man who claims to speak for you, and with such dedication that he does not mind being a laughing stock! The man who almost broke our glass wares with his low frequency diatribes on television!!
The comedy nights for the news addicts!! The one and only….
Give it up for (fake) ARNAB GOSWAMI!!!!!
ED: Hello Arnab ji! It’s a great pleasure to meet you!
ARNAB: Sure!! I am all for helping the strugglers, you know.
ED: ehmm… So Sir, let’s begin. Sir, NDTV has made their tagline as “You don’t need to shout to be heard!” Do you think it is indirectly pointed towards you?
ARNAB: I refuse to accept that! I refuse to accept that!! Whom do you think I talk to? I don’t talk with well-mannered and behaved corporates or lawyers. Every other day I have to converse with our politicians and party representatives. I hope you are familiar with the ruckus they create in the parliament. How do you make your voice heard with people who think my newsroom is a fish market!!! And mind you…. This is my show!! I will not let anybody criticise it!!
ED: Sorry to interrupt Sir, but this is ED, not your show, you are our guest…
ARNAB: No… No. No this is my show you are talking about. This is… This is…
ED: Sir, Sir please calm down. Take a deep breath sir… please… Are you sure you don’t have high blood pressure. Do we need to call the paramedics?
ARNAB: Not a problem. I often get excited and my BP rises. See, what it takes to be a journalist?
ED: It kind of scares us Sir….Now to the next question. Do you frame the questions in such a way that your viewpoints would be proven no matter what the panellists say?
ARNAB: No no no no no… this is insulting an honest journalist, this is, this is debauchery…
ED: Sir, Sir, but… please… let us complete…
ARNAB: This is my show and the nation wants to know…
ARNAB: Are you there?? Finally you are quiet and now let me speak. I don’t impose my view points on my panellists. I cannot let people speak continuously for more than 10 seconds on my show. And obviously it is my show, I talk, I ask questions? Do you think it is silly to conduct a newsroom debate? I have to structure it so carefully that the panellists get to say a few syllables and I can take it from them and put my words to whatever they say. Never, ever, accuse me of not letting people speak.
ED: Well, Sir, You just said I all…. Haha. Sir, to the next question. You have conducted interviews with Narendra Modi, Rahul Gandhi and many other political figures of our country. You have slaughtered the reputations of many celebrities. Who would be the next one to be with you on your show Frankly Speaking and barely speak?
ARNAB: Now, let me ask you a question-
ED: Sir, to quote you, One cannot answer a question with another question…
ARNAB: That is in my show. Those rules don’t apply to me… I am not… I will interrupt, I will question, I know the people, and you are not supposed to do that. Okay?
ED: Okay Sir. We agree. We actually don’t have a choice like your panellists and viewers or else you just you know… bite our heads off… Sir, what is the secret of your voice? How is it that your throat produces the same croaky voice every day though you yell for hours daily?
ARNAB: Well, you know, I come from a family of politicians. They have been in politics even before there were loudspeakers and microphones. So they developed a particular voice quality which I have inherited. And we have a few traditional sound exercises I do everyday morning so that my sound remains firm and crisp.
ED: Sir, one last question. Are you scared of offending certain political parties in particular?
ARNAB: I am a fearless journalist. Do you know how many death threats I receive every day? How many arrest warrants I have thwarted?
ED: For causing sound pollution may be.
ARNAB: What did you just say? How dare you? This is not a joke. I am doing a service putting my life at risk and you…
ED: Ok Sir. It was a great pleasure talking to you or listening to your monologue. We are very proud to have attained the record of talking of you for the longest time rather than listening to your monologue. Thank you so much sir. It is such an honour.
Ladies and gentlemen, that was all for this week. We need a vacation after this! Please don’t expect us next week!
Graphic Credits: Amit Patel
Interviewer: Anna George
Views presented in the article are those of the author and not of ED.