DISCLAIMER: This is a stereotypical post. Any offense, if inflicted, was entirely unintended.
Mother India shelters people of all sorts. The subcontinent is literally the most colorful cocktail of humans you will find. And each of her daughters (the political states) are unique in their own way. For all our diversity, we stand united – no matter how much we say contrarily!
So if India is “Maa” and the States are a Sisterhood, wonder what would each state be like if she was an actual woman?
Here is what we think Indian states would say if they were women…
1. Jammu and Kashmir:
Cheeks as red as apples, skin as white as snow. Perpetually scared when my house gonna blow.
Jammu and Kashmir is the bone of contention between India and Pakistan: it reminds you of the King Solomon story about the mothers fighting over the child. But unlike that story, none of the claimers here are willing to let go. And this is causing a traumatizing effect…
2. Himachal Pradesh:
Which destination can I help you book for Honeymoon? Shimla or Manali?
Himachal Pradesh is a beautiful state with lots of tourist attractions. She would make for one helluva travel broker – ever so inviting and warm (in saying only).
Good food, abundant alcohol, and bhangra: life’s a party!
Once a Punjabi starts eating, boozing or dancing, I’d like to see someone try and stop her. Punjab would be the carefree bubbly girl, who knows her langar service in the Golden Temple as well as her Bhangra moves!
Thanks for all the help during the Earthquake. Do bring mummy to Char-Dham sometime.
Recently recovering from the unfortunate calamity that was the massive Earthquake, Uttarakhand is grateful to have survived. She has always been religious, but is now all the more spiritual, and preaches her message well.
Rowdy kisko bola, bc! I shop from Gurgaon, okay?
Haryanvis all over the country are known as the tough ones, the ones with crude strength and I-won’t-take-no-shit personas. But then again, let’s not forget… Gurgaon – one of India’s poshest cities – is Haryana’s territory, so maybe not entirely rowdy after all?
Padhaaro Ji Mhaare Des, Daal Baati in your Face!
This state is as warm as the Sun that shines here, literally. And sometimes it’s uncomfortable how warm they can be… Rajasthani hospitality is remarkable! They dance for you, cook awesome food in (lots of) desi ghee for you, and treat everyone like a royal guest. They will serve you till you can’t take it anymore!
I make Killer Food, need no alcohol, let’s garba to set the mood!
Patel Ben is too cool for l’alcool, and she need no nasha for mazaa. Modi’s daughter is one of the best cooks in town, and just like NaMo, the name of the dishes is enough to kill, let alone the taste. And when she dances, my-oh-my!
8. Uttar Pradesh:
Aadab! Would you like to see the Taj Mahal or some Mujra?
U.P. is the “mohtarma” with “nazaaqat”. She likes her classy lifestyle, and is beautifully alluring. Her appeal is so powerful, that all the Kings and all the Shehenshahs doted on her – making sure all the capital rights were hers throughout history – and she served them well in return…
Laloo Prasad Yadav and Bhojpuri cinema. Enouph sed.
Bihar is the rustic, old-fashioned bhaujai who chose to marry Yadav ji and lead a homely life. In all her modesty, she takes care of everything in natural and simple ways. Often undermined by the other ladies, she is a toughie, likes her cinema-entertainment and speaks with an accent that no one can do better, though they sure try…
I’m from Bihar.
Jharkhand and Bihar were born joined at the hip. Unfortunately, after a successful separation, Jharkhand didn’t emerge too powerful. Often perceived as undercut, this young lady has yet to find her true calling and show what she can do.
11. Madhya Pradesh:
Bhaiya, hindi bolte ho?
At the center of India’s heart, M.P. is the daughter they kept close at home. She is the timid, shy one who is simple but slowly thriving: on her way to becoming someone strong and respectable, yet grounded. Don’t mistaken her to be backward or illiterate, she just likes things her way. So hindi me baat karo inse.
Excuse me, did you just call me Chandigarh?
Much like the case of Bihar and Jharkhand, M.P. and Chhattisgarh were recently recognized as separate identities. However, This ones case is a little off-putting. Although she has shown remarkable progress in the Industrial sector, no one seems to recognize her, they keep mixing her up with the common capital of the north. Now what’s with that, huh?
Kapoors, Khans, Bachchans and Thackerays are some of the known Houses here.
Marathi aayi is proud of her sons. Everyone wants to live with her. Mumbai, Pune, Nagpur… it’s like the Seven Kingdoms were inspired from her.
College life me ek trip toh banta hai!
Undoubtedly the hottest and the most popular… not only with Indians, but even those who come from outside want to experience a bit of her. Let’s just say, if Goa was a chic, she would always have the perfect beach body, and would probably make a career as a swimsuit model.
a.k.a Orissa. I’m the one on the far right corner of the map.
So those politicos keep changing her name, and the old one is more popular. She is a nice girl though sometimes mistaken from her looks and accent as a Bengali. However her dance talents are striking, and her annual Rath Yatra is an exquisite exhibition of Event Management skills.
16. West Bengal:
My name is Bidya, and I like Rosogulla.
Bengal is the well-read dusky beauty with a sweet tooth. She is a dedicated devotee of Goddess Durga; and doesn’t like the letter “V”. She has her own way of doing things and is on the whole rather head-strong.
I am number 29!
She is the first South Indian when you go down, but she is very young. She had been living with Andhra until their differences grew them apart. Anyway, she has recently required her own political capital called Amravati, inaugurated by the Prime Minister. She has a promising start, but no one knows what the future holds…
18. Andhra Pradesh:
I’m not sure if I am “Telugu” anymore, Ra…
Andhra lost quite a bit in the separation. Although she got to keep her patent Hyderabadi Biryani and Andhra spice label, she doesn’t know how to address herself now… She can’t be called Telugu anymore, so what will it be? “Andhra-ite”?
I work at Wipro, Bangalore.
You know that “strong, independent young woman” they talk about? That’s Karnataka. She has a plan, she has a career, and she has no need for another. She will sustain herself. Also, she is beautiful in a very modest, natural kind of way.
20. Tamil Nadu:
Enna Rascal-ah, mind it! We are NOT Madrasi! *goes back to eating sambhar*
She is the age-old, disciplined paati, and Rajnikant is her beloved. She doesn’t really like Karnataka though, and if you call her “Madrasi” by mistake, just praise her food and you shall have mercy!
My uncle lives in Dubai. Bappi da buys gold from me.
“Not all Mallus are from the Gulf, and not ever Arab is from Kerala”. But yeah… most are! Sister Keralite is a nurse (no offense! :P). She is soon to get married to the businessman from Dubai. And she is very particular about her alchemy, she likes Gold. But apart from all this, she is sweet as sugar, and very sociable with other Mallus. Oops, I mean, Malayam-speaking friends.
Sweeping back to the top… to the North-Eastern Sister-cluster… These seven sisters always stay together. If you think “South Indian” is a generalization, then you should venture past Sikkim.
Not chinki, I am Assamese. Famous for teas and beauties.
She is the (only) popular one from the Eastern extremity of the country. Although she doesn’t like to be highlighted by the eyes, Assam is the exotic beauty who supplies the best tea to the entire nation.
23. Arunachal Pradesh, Meghalaya, Nagaland, Manipur, Tripura and Mizoram:
Not a chinki, not Assamese. Open my eyes wider? STFU Please.
As mentioned earlier, the seven sisters of the north-east stick together. So much so that they are often clustered under a common label of Assam. And the racist bit is that, if anyone anywhere encounters a girl with slant eyes, she is presumed “Assamese”. And the other six don’t like it, to put it mildly…
Thanks for reading! Did we cover your state well? Let us know if you have something to add!
Graphic credits: Harshita and Shubhangi
Views presented in the article are those of the author and not of ED.