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    When You Are The Only Non-Drinker In Your Group – Hello, Martian

    By

    December 31, 2015

    I don’t drink.

    And the world came to a standstill. Everybody around me wore quite a tragic face as if I had said, Justin Beiber is my alpha male. I had almost believed I was going to exiled next moment.

    It’s EXHAUSTING when you are the only non-drinker in your group of friends. It’s like you a Martian. Gosh, even that meets acceptance when you are PK.

    Now, being a non-drinker you inevitably go through the following stages.

    Stage 1: STAGE OF DISBELIEF
    You’re kidding, right?

    Of course, ALCOHOL IS LIKE JELLY TO MY BURGER.

    You sweat out most of your make-up and almost have your heels in your hands trying to convince that you are still normal and have all sense organs perfectly functioning and your heart still pumps blood quite normally and your pathological report didn’t detect ‘non-drinker’.

    Stage 2: EXPLAINING WHY YOU DON’T DRINK

    So, everybody expects you to enlighten them about how you survive without the nectar of life, but..
    BECAUSE THE EARTH IS ROUND. AND MILEY CYRUS HAPPENS. AND BEN AFFLECK SUCKS.

    Stage 3: BOMBARDED WITH QUESTIONS AND MOCKERY
    How old are you? 12?

    How do you even have fun?

    How are you even alive?

    What do you do at parties?

    Stage 4: TURNING DOWN DRINKS 

    You have a hard time and when I say hard I mean, nailing-jelly-on-the-wall- hard, refusing drinks because every friend in the party adopts the mission of getting you drunk.

    *NO NO NO NO NO*

    Now obviously, turning down a drink prompts assumptions about my lifestyle.

    Relax, Relax, everybody will be given a chance to make their own assumption.

    -Religious reasons honge!
    -Small town ya!!
    -Mom dad nai allow karte?
    -Sanskaari kid bro?
    -So unkewl man.

    But then, being a non-drinker comes with its own HIGHS:

    1. You get to make videos of your demented friends’ drunken escapades and blackmail them for life.

    2. You can cook up terrifying stories of “what happened last night”.
    UMM..you just danced naked, car lifted, shot a popo, sexted your ex, set the house on fire and that’s all.

    3. You get to enjoy the fullest and remember because your idea of fun isn’t limited to popping corks.
    After all, you wasted guys make a hilarious reality show.

    4. You are the favourite sanskaari friend of all your friends’ parents, “beta iss nalayak ka dhyaan rakhna”.
    *smirk smirk smirk*

    5. You save a lot of money because drinks cost an arm.
    Yeah, let me pay you a thousand bucks so I can act disoriented, stumbling all over the place, acting obnoxious and eventually barfing on the sidewalk.

    6. You don’t have to be embarrassed over drunk texts and calls.

    But there are, of course, some lows too.

    1. You can’t use “I was drunk.” as an excuse for slapping that friend you secretly detest.
    I didn’t do that. Jack Daniels did.

    2. Being the only sober one, you have to drive your friends back home.

    3. You feel alienated because being a non-drinker means sipping Virgin Mojito on a lonely island. Well, that works out just perfect for me. I prefer natural highs.

    So, from the eyes of a non-drinker life isn’t hazy at least. It is not all that bad too. You have those friends getting sappy approaching you to tell how much they love you. Then, those moments of relief when you see them spiral out of control while your obnoxious side is still behind the closet. But, it’s these times only that you can reminisce 5 years down the line, unembarrassed, of your crazy friends spilling laughter, abandoning all sense and reason in the purple hours of night. After all, everybody has their own idea of fun. No judging.

    But, it’s these times only that you can reminisce 5 years down the line, unembarrassed, of your crazy friends spilling laughter, abandoning all sense and reason in the purple hours of night. After all, everybody has their own idea of fun.

    No judging.

    So, the ratio of watching my ripped friends go crazy to being ripped with them works out quite in my favour.

    Views presented in the article are those of the author and not of ED.

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    • Siddharth Sharma

      AND BEN AFFLECK SUCKS xD