By Ayesha Bashir
ED- Welcome back readers for another fake friendly session. This time, we have with us the brilliant, most talented and one of the two of his kind Rajiv Laxman..
RR- Raghu.. I’m Raghu.. Rajiv is my brother.
ED- Ohh, is it so? Well, we’re really sorry.
Raghu Ram, it is friends.
For all those who don’t know Raghu, well then terms like MC and BC for you actually mean- Memory Card and Before Christ, so congratulations, you’ve been doing it right.
Raghu here apart from starring in the blockbuster hit of Tees Maar Khan (ya, one of the two twins) has also auditioned for Indian Idol season 1. Oh! And produced two shows as well, MTV Roadies and Splitsvilla for desperate college students (mostly from DU) who later pursue their post-graduation in either, Khatron ke khiladhi or Bigg Boss, except Bani she was too cool for this.
ED- Hello Raghu, a very welcome to you. Not many people know that you have auditioned for Indian Idol. Tell us more about that. Inspire us, please.
RR- Why do you want to be a roadie? Kyu le hum tujhe? Tujh main aisa different kya hai bata? Bol na.. ab chup kyu hai BC? BOLL!
ED- Umm, excuse me Raghu, this is not your Roadie audition. Can you please focus on the interview here?
RR- Ohh! I’m sorry; actually, I’ve never been interviewed before.
So ya Indian Idol, they haven’t removed it from my profile yet? hmm, well that was anyway just a prank we played on the judges on the advice of my wife who was working with the team and so I wasn’t one of the contestants. They can’t judge me, no one can.
ED- Moving on, we heard that ABVP finds you two so handsome that they wanted to put a black mark on it, pretty big one actually. Would you like to abuse.. oh I mean ‘say’ something about that?
RR- What is ABVP? Is it a new show? Can I take the auditions?
ED- Akhand Behadd Vella Parishad, the youth wing of Bechari Jaahil Party
RR- Oh! That, of course, I knew it. Well, ABVP volunteers are our dear friends and very nice people, they just didn’t appreciate that we used ‘wrong language’ for a promotion and didn’t invite them to watch. They had to see it on TV.
ED- Oh, so lovers spat basically. Anyway, after the huge success of Farah’s TMK, are you planning to show yourself again on the silver screen anytime soon? (loads gun).
RR- No, in fact, I think I’m going to retire from the show business. (ED opens champagne) Now I want to do something bigger..
ED- Like Roadies XXXVIIII?
RR- No, I’ve moved on from Roadies now.
ED- Really, You wrote a book based on your Roadies journey and we hear you’ve become so obsessed with the show that your true caller name is ‘tu banega roadie bc’ is that true?
RR- Yes, the book is Rearview: My Roadies Journey, its available online and it’s a book about how..
ED- Raghu please, you’re a guest here so we asked out of courtesy, but don’t promote your wannabe book here. That’s what Comedy Nights with Kapil is for.
RR- Well, Roadies has been a very important part of my life and it will always be, but I think I should pass on my legacy to my juniors (Ranvijay basically) and my true caller name is ‘tu banega Roadie mc’
ED- The news about you and your wife Sugandha breaking up is doing the rounds lately. Can you give us more on that since we’re running out of questions to ask you? Did you treat her as one of your contestants as well, asked her to do 25 sit ups probably?
RR- No, we had been having problems since I did TMK. She was jealous of my success I think since her movies were such failures. You probably wouldn’t have even heard of them.
ED- You mean like, Tere Bin Laden, My Name is Khan and Jane Tu..Ya Jaane Na? Ya sure, big failures. We feel you. Can you give us the number later, though?
So Raghu other than auditioning, abusing and making a fool of yourself, what else do you like to keep yourself busy in?
RR- I recently featured on the show called Comedy Nights Bachao with Bindu Dara Singh and Dolly Bindra. You see I believe in freedom of speech, and I don’t get offended easily, I’m a tolerant person everyone has a right to their opinion.
ED- Oh, do you? We’ll see after this interview goes online and when we said making a fool of yourself, we meant Comedy Nights Bachao only.
Would you like to say anything to our readers?
RR- Be yourself and don’t be a hypocrite like I am. I talk about empowering women and then use language that derogates women kind. I think I’m cool, but frankly, I haven’t achieved anything big in life and yet I treat other with disrespect, so basically don’t be like me.
Well, with that social message, from not a very socially sensitive person we would call it a wrap and hope that you guys enjoyed this fake interview with the fake (literally) Raghu Ram and also feel free to share your insights on the evil twin (we don’t know who’s really evil though).
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Views presented in the article are those of the author and not of ED.