Fake Friendly Fridays is the section where ED interviews the most trending people, but only in their head. We promise you this is the fakest and the most sarcastic interview of your lifetime!
This Friday, we interviewed the most-talked about, the beautiful and the adorable, the Royal couple- Kate and William.
Here’s what Team ED asked them and what they said. I am sure you can connect the dots and read between the lines!
W&K denotes William and Kate for sure.
Team ED: Welcome to India, we hope you have a great stay here. What is the exact motive behind this trip?
W&K: This is our second visit to the country, and we are really excited because you know how crazy a fan-following the Indian culture has back in Britain there. We are here this time just to enjoy the culture and say namaste to everyone we meet. We don’t have these slums there you know, so they are kinda the biggest source of excitement for us. This will, at least, confirm if Slumdog Millionaire deserved the fame it got.
Team ED: Okay great, so this means you aren’t taking back anything from India this time? Speaking on those lines, what are your views on returning the Kohinoor to us?
W&K: As already stated earlier, we do not believe in ‘returnism’ (David Cameron to reporters). What is ours is ours. Also, we don’t think India is ready yet to take up the responsibility of such a precious thing. Besides this, if we give back the Kohinoor, other countries will want their stuff back too, and then The British Museum will be just an empty building. That ain’t gonna happen.
Team ED: What was your reaction to our leader’s claim that British owes India reparations?
W&K: Ah actually, if I were the in charge of this, we would be begging for some monetary help from Bangladesh right now. So, probably that’s the reason why grandma doesn’t allow me to interfere in this subject matter at all. Maybe, you can interview her next time for this, she’s God.
Team ED: Is the country’s economic condition so weak that David Cameron had to invest in the Panama funds?
W&K: We can never have a weak economy till the time we have The British Museum with us. David was just being a Roman in Rome and did what every leader expected him to do, around the globe. We are the superpower, we can hold a stake in the Iron Bank of Braavos too if we want.
Team ED: How do you think the Queen is liking to be the great grandmother?
W&K: hahahahahahaha (laughed louder than Indians). We think our Spanish nanny is really excited to babysit our kids while we are away. Grandma still has to take care of the empire; she isn’t really the one we would trust our kids with now. The Spanish nanny costs us more.
Team ED: It was great talking to you. The last and most important question: Would you send the royal kids for their studies, down to India?
W&K: Well, I love the music and culture here in India. The spiritual side of the country is just magnificent. The life of the ‘dhongi babas’ here is too attractive. We, after retirement, would for sure come down here and live by the polluted banks of the Ganges.
We wish you a pollution-free and the most royal stay ever in India! We still want Kohinoor back.
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Interview conceptualised by Bhavya Malhotra (completely :p)
Views presented in the article are those of the author and not of ED.