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    Confessions Of A Person Who Cannot Drive

    By

    August 3, 2016

     

    confessions-of-a-person-who-cannot-drive

    I don’t drink and drive as I don’t drive. Or should I say I can’t? It will be not wrong to say that there are many others who sheepishly, come under this category.

    When you can’t drive it feels like you are a buffoon among a bunch of smart people .i.e. those who can drive. At least if I knew how to operate  a scooter then I probably would not be whining about this every time I go out. And sadly up until now, there are only two things which I have learnt to drive perfectly- cycles and driving people crazy.

    The complications we, the people who cannot drive, face every day are worthy of getting ourselves pinned in the Wall of Shame.

    Every day, whether it’s riding with someone, or making an appointment to go somewhere, we get a little reminder of what a failure we are. Whenever a motor vehicle whizz passes us, the emissions coming from it, are akin to a laugh in our face, increasing our humiliation to great heights.

    Masters of Public Transport

    We are the masters of public transports and taking lifts. Yes, we are and to such an extent that we could write a WikiHow on How to Ask Someone for a Lift?. Wait a second, I just checked out, there IS a WikiHow for that,and I bet the person who wrote that comes in our category too.   

    Once a distressed lady asked me about her malfunctioned scooter, she was sorting help from me(the one who cannot drive), I told her with fake confidence, that the Mandel of her scooter isn’t working properly so it cannot be started and I don’t even know what that word means but it had surely saved me from an awkward situation. See that is the level it has come to, we cannot even admit that we are knowledge-less or experience-less or whatever adjective you can use to define our embarrassment of not being able to drive.

    We look at those who can drive with a sense of awe as if they had already made their life stable.   

    Whenever we have to go for a meet up with friends, you will find us on the back seat of our friend’s scooter or bike.

    But don’t think it’s all shabby for us, here me out on this, a lot happens at the back seat where there is a whole another world going on. We get to read the unhygienic and abysmal literature of the roads that is omnipresent. For example, Munna Mithai Shop, Parathe Wali Galli” or the “Chinis Chowmeen, etc.

    Also, you could leer.. oh lord..my bad, “look” at the opposite gender while your friend is busy in his endeavour to dodge that buffalo in front, standing on the zebra crossing.

    And talking about zebra crossing reminds me of our main means of transport i.e our own two overused and ignored legs.

    Everyone hates pedestrians

    We as pedestrians should have a reserved category all of our own when it comes to traffic issues as we are often, nay, almost always looked down upon. Everybody tries to run pedestrians over. It’s the unwritten rule of the roads: truck drivers hate cars, cars hate bicycles and everyone hates pedestrians, even when they’re minding their own business on the pavement, even when they are strolling leisurely in herds jamming the traffic , even when they’re pissing on the side walls. Though the latter ones should get run over.

    But then we have some privileges, as we can walk across as calm as a cucumber and others are always expected to slow down or wait.

    Some of the other traits we Non-Drivers have:

    1. We never know the present prices of petrol and diesel.
    2. We also don’t know what is run by petrol and what by diesel.
    3. We always look for our friends, to move around.
    4. We are an expert on saving the adjacent seat for an acquaintance in a bus or holding our pee.

    I would like to keep myself out from this “can’t drive” group. This is our little secret. Something that symbolises us. Something that differentiate us from nearly everyone you know. So please don’t tell anyone! 

    You may like to read this article. Click on the link below.


    A Guide to Buying Your First Car

    Views presented in the article are those of the author and not of ED.

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    In General
    • Kaanad Wanchoo

      You spoke my heart out, but i do know how to ride a bike and a scooter. You, sir, must be ashamed of yourself for knowing how to ride a bicycle but not, at least, a scooter.
      Lie down.
      Try not to cry.
      Then cry a lot.

      • Shivansh Gupta

        Lol! For as far as, crying and whining about it is concerned I guess, I have done that a lot. Now it’s time to learn how to ride.