Welcome to ‘Fake’ Friendly Fridays where we interview celebrities on trivial issues and get the most vital answers. With a good mix of emotions and creative power, these interviews are meant only for entertainment. Taking offense and being ‘intolerant’ to these interviews is a complete waste of time, as there are purely based on the author’s imagination of what a ‘real’ interview with these celebrities should be like.
In today’s edition of Fake Friendly Fridays we interview Kabir Sajid and Anand Tiwari a.k.a Pappu and Papa from the web series “Sex Chat with Pappu and Papa”. People may cringe on hearing the title, but I am sure that they are intrigued by the same.
Devise your own conclusions and judge the book by its cover, as the web series is as simple as its title – conversations between 7- year-old Pappu and his Papa on issues of masturbation, pregnancy, periods, condoms and even homosexuality.
*Fake Friendly Friday’s title track*
ED: Hello everyone! Today is the day we will talk a lot about sex, so sit back and relax *wink wink* as we invite our dearest Pappu and Papa on the hot seat.
So Pappu, how does it feel on being the most informed child in the country?
Pappu: I think it feels good. I mean I’ve probably achieved a lot, that I am sitting on YOUR show. I would like to thank Papa for all that he has taught me. If not for him, I would still believe Dadaji when he said ‘babies are a gift from God’.
ED: So, Mr. Anand Watsa (Papa), how did this journey of educating your son on things related to the sex actually start?
Papa: One day after cricket practice Pappu came up to me and asked what ‘intellectual masturbation’ was. I was taken aback, but then I realized that I always wanted to be a ‘Papa’ and not a ‘Baap’ to my son. I didn’t want him to go and ask our servant for answers like I did. Phew! Just imagine how awkward that would have been.
*Lurking imagination of Dadaji screaming at Papa: Kya bol raha hain Nalayak, you are on National News! Marvayega kya*
ED: It’s come to notice that Pappu is only 7 years old. Don’t you think it is a little early to educate him on such sensitive issues?
Papa: I do not think so. Parents teach their children about science and math, because… well, ‘mera beta engineer banega’, and I really think that with all of this, sex education is also important. Besides, children today are really smart and if I hadn’t cleared his doubts, he would have run to someone else for answers, and I didn’t want to be that parent who fails to be his child’s friend.
ED: That’s really deep Mr.Watsa. So, didn’t you at any point feel awkward in confessing to your son about your usage of condoms?
Papa: Well, it was awkward, and even the voices in my head stopped me from confessing. But then when science has got your back, you know you are not doing anything wrong. So, why not confess about something that is not even ‘scientifically’ wrong especially when trying to teach my son.
*Lurking imagination of Dadaji: Leave alone confessing about himself, this nalayak even gave an image that I use such practices. Imagine what my grandson would think of me now*
ED: So, are the women of your house comfortable talking about all this to your son?
Papa: Oh yes! Why would they not be comfortable? In fact, it was in front of my mother and my pregnant wife that I explained about periods to my son. They even joined in. I mean, isme galat hi kya hain (what is wrong in it).
ED: How do you even explain all this to your son?
Pappu: My papa is really smart. He gives me examples from everyday life, like did you know that the transfer of a sperm file from a USB through a USB port leads to pregnancy! His answers make me want to know more, but sadly it is not a part of my syllabus in school.
Papa, why is it not taught in school?
* Lurking imagination of Dadaji: Because beta, luckily the education board is smarter than your father to not let such information out to students. You will eventually learn all this through the internet, so why should you be properly educated on it?*
ED: Well, that’s the question we leave our audience with. Pappu and Mr. Watsa, it was a pleasure to have you here with us. We hope that Pappu’s knowledge and your methods reach out to the informed citizens of this extremely open-minded country.
(cue music)* Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me…*
Graphics Credit: Nadiminti Sarvani
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Views presented in the article are those of the author and not of ED.