Disclaimer: If you can appreciate humour, read it. Or else don’t.
As much as I side with her against Taylor Swift, or even admire her half-baked feminist attempts to liberate the body, Kim Kardashian is one woman whom I don’t look forward to reading about on the internet. If she disappeared, I wouldn’t mourn her.
Just like, I wouldn’t mourn the wiping out of the entire machhar population from earth.
Yep, I am comparing Kim Kardashian to Macchars (a.k.a Mosquitoes).
BUT, that’s not the only similarity between Kim and a Mosquito. As impossible as it might seem, their relationship to human beings is eerily, similarly and very wretchedly symbiotic on multiple levels.
Let me tell you why. Trust me at the end of the article you will agree with me.
1. Okay, to begin with, let’s pitch in a question that is bigger than Kim’s back: Why is Kim Kardashian famous?
Because like Machhars, she is everywhere!!
She is the queen of the social media. She may not be the highest followed personality on any website, but her entire empire is completely based on her media popularity. She is not producing any music or movies; she is basically marketing herself for a living.
One Guardian article says: Even if you don’t actively choose to follow her movements, she’s there. Inescapable.
And boy, we cannot disagree.
2. Machhars sap your blood. Kim saps your intelligence.
You don’t need the smarts to really get her. She hits on the basic instincts, there is no mystery here. In fact, much like mosquitoes drinking your blood, she is feeding on your IQ. I will not deny her intelligence, but hey, every minute spent trying to understand her antics is a minute lost in your life.
3. Machhars mutate and keep coming back no matter the grade of Mortein you use. Kim Kardashian does too.
No matter the brand of mosquito repellent you use, or device, mosquitoes never seem to exist. They reproduce rather fast and grow immune to the repellents quickly.
I am not indicating that we must try to poison Kim, but regardless of your numerous tactics to ignore her (read: unfollowing her on social media, strictly avoiding articles related to her, maybe even blocking the friend who is a fan) she will pop up on your newsfeeds.
You might keep hoping that one day nobody will really care about her but she will keep coming back on the front pages for strange new brilliant reasons.
4. They are always hogging the (lime)light.
Lights on. Mosquitoes in. Like they were seriously waiting outside your door for you to turn on your lights.
Flashlights on. Kim Kardashian struts by on a red carpet. An American tabloid is virtually incomplete without a picture of her.
5. Constant buzzing. Bzz.Bzz. Never shut up.
This tweet, that insta, these interviews, those photo shoots. And that pointless tv show. Bzz bzz bzz bzz. Her very presence is like that irritating noise mosquitoes make. Yes, even when she is not talking.
For god’s sake how much can one have to say about themselves?
6. Effective at playing the victim.
Yeah, you kill a mosquito. And you might feel bad for killing something. Even if it were a pest.
Similarly, while I am writing this, I confess that I feel bad for ranting against her. I often even dislike people who just insult her for the heck of it.
Double standards much? I know.
Damned! This is a superpower Kim Kardashian and mosquitoes have in common.
7. Basic urge to swat them away.
Therefore I am consumed by an overpowering urge to just swat them away. Shoo! Go away! Go away! Don’t make me chase you with a rolled up newspaper! I don’t want to buy you new perfume! Or want details about your booty.
8. Grow in numbers exponentially.
It began with Kim Kardashian. Then there is Khloe Kardashian. And Kourtney Kardashian. And Kendall Jenner. And Kylie Jenner.
NO MORE! I refuse to Keep Up with the Kardashians!!!
Agree with me or don’t, Kim Kardashian is only spreading a culture of self -obsession and melodrama among her fans. She is not talented at anything other than looking good.
For that as well, she as a whole team working on her every day for a minimum of 2 hours before she steps out!
If mosquitoes are spreading dengue and malaria, Kim has been spreading narcissism. I don’t identify with her kind of liberation, it’s overwhelmingly exclusionary, wealth-induced and literally skin-deep.
Enough said, I rest my case.
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Views presented in the article are those of the author and not of ED.